Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
