I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
