Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
