love makes seman taste better
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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