I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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