what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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