Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
