Dual....:-)
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
