Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
