I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
