ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
