I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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