finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
