Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
