My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
