Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
