I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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