I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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