I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
