3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
