What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
