Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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