The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize