I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
