im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
