You can't special order awesome
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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