so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize