is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
