I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize