Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
