Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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