It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
