Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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