are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
