I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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