Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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