I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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