all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
