then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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