The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
where am i from again
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
