we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
