I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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