i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize