maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
