I accidentally burped into my bong.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
