tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
