she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
