I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
