Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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