Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
