Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
