He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
