youre lurking in front of me
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Screwed.edu
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize