Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
