I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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