I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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