i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
