So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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