a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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