I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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