you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
