Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
